From Cornwall’s Wonderland, by Mabel Quiller Couch; London & Toronto: J. M. Dent & Sons Ltd., [undated — circa 1914]; pp. 188-194.
HOW MADGE FIGGY
GOT HER PIG
MADGE FIGGY, as you already know, spent most of her life in injuring someone. After she had left her cottage by the sea, where she spent so much of her time in robbing the dead, she went to live in St. Buryan, and there she spent her time in robbing the living, and doing any other mischief that came into her head to do.
One of her victims here was her near neighbour, Tom Trenoweth, a hard-working, struggling man who spent all his days trying to make both ends meet, and mostly failing, poor fellow. Now Tom had a sow, a fine great creature, on which he set great store, for when she was fattened up enough he meant to take her to Penzance Market, where he hoped to sell her for at least twenty shillings, for she was worth that and more of any man’s money.
As ill-luck would have it, though, Madge Figgy caught sight of the sow one day, and from that 189 moment she could not rest until she had got it for herself.
Over she bustled to Tom’s house in a great hurry. “Tom,” she said, “I’ve taken a fancy to that sow of yours, and I’ll give ’ee five shillings for her, now this very minute, if you’ll sell her. Four would be a good price, but I’ve set my mind on having her, and I don’t mind stretching a point for a friend.”
“I ain’t going to sell her now,” said Tom, “I’m fattening her up for market, and it’s a long sight more than five shillings I’m thinking I’ll get for her. So keep your money, Madge, you may want it yet,” he added meaningly.
“Very well,” replied the witch, shaking her finger at Tom, and wagging her head; “I won’t press ’ee to sell the pig, but mark my words, before very long you will wish you had!” and away she went without another word.
Poor Tom! He did mark her words, and many a time he remembered them with sorrow, for from the moment they were uttered his sow began to fail. She ate and drank as much as ever he chose to give her, and seemed to enjoy her food, too, but instead of growing fatter she grew leaner and leaner, and from being a fine great beast, nearly fit for a Christmas market, 190 she became a poor, spare-looking thing that no one would say “thank you” for.
“Are you willing to sell her now, Tom?” cried cruel old Madge, popping her head round the door of the pig-sty one day, when Tom was feeding the animal.
“No, and I wouldn’t sell her to you for her weight in gold,” cried Tom, too desperate now to care whether he offended the woman or not. “So get home to your own house, you ill-wishing cross-grained old witch!”
Madge Figgy only smiled. “Don’t lose your temper, Tom, my dear,” she said sweetly, “ ’tis for me to do that. Just wait a bit, and I’ll be bound that before another week is out you’ll be glad to get rid of her, even to me!” and away trotted the mischievous old creature, cackling to herself, and rubbing her hands with glee.
“I’ll fatten the pig up somehow,” cried Tom, desperately, and he began giving her more than double her usual quantity of food at each meal. He gave her enough, indeed, to fatten two pigs, and nearly ruined himself to do it; but the more she ate the thinner she grew, and before the week was out she was merely skin and bone. “I can’t afford to spend no more on ’ee,” said Tom sorrowfully, and he made up his mind to 191 take her to market the very next day before she got any worse.
So, early the following morning they started off to walk to the market. Tom tied a string around the sow’s leg to prevent her running away, but there was little enough fear of her doing that, for the poor thing could scarcely stand for weakness. In fact, she kept on falling down from sheer inability to support herself, and Tom had to pick her up and put her on her feet again, for she had not got the strength to get up by herself.
After a long time, for they only went at a snail’s pace, they came to the high road. “I believe I’ll have to take and carry her on my back,” said Tom dolefully, “or we shan’t get to market till night.” But hardly had he spoken the words when the sow took to her heels, and ran as if she had been a stag with the hounds after her!
Poor Tom was nearly shaken to bits, and his arms were pretty nearly dragged from his body, for over hedges and ditches she went, and over everything else that came in her way, dragging Tom after her, until at last he had to drop the rope and let her take her chance, for his strength was all gone, and he had no breath left.
As soon, though, as Tom let go his hold of the 192 rope, the creature stopped her mad race, and walked along as quietly and soberly as the best-behaved pig that ever breathed. She went, though, every way but the right one, and this she did for mile upon mile, taking Tom after her, until at last they came to Tregenebris Downs.
Here, where the two roads branch off, the one to Sancreed and the other to Penzance, Tom caught hold of the rope again, and tried once more to lead her to market, but the moment she came to the cross-roads, the sow started off at full speed again, jerking the rope out of Tom’s hand, and careering away by herself until she got under Tregenebris Bridge. Here, though, she was forced to stop, for she stuck fast, and could not move backwards or forwards, for Tregenebris Bridge was a queer, old-fashioned construction, more like a big drain-pipe than anything, except that it was smaller in the middle than at the ends. Consequently, as she could not go through it and come out the other side, and she would not come back, she had to stay where she was.
Tom did not know what to do. He could not reach her to pull her out, and all his holloaing and shouting was so much waste of breath. He pelted her with stones and lumps of turf, first her head and then her tail, until he was tired, but he might just as well have left her, for all 193 the good it did. She only grunted, and planted her feet more obstinately.
At last Tom, being quite worn out, sat down to rest, and waited to see what she would do if left to herself, but though he waited and waited till evening, the pig never budged. Tom, though, grew so hungry that he hardly knew how to bear with himself. He had had nothing to eat or drink since five in the morning, and he had tramped miles upon miles since that time.
“There don’t seem much chance of the contrairy old thing’s coming out, so I may as well go home to get some supper,” he said at last. “If anybody finds her they’ll know she’s mine, for there isn’t such another poor miserable creature in the parish. So here goes.” But no sooner had he made a start than whom should he see coming towards him but Madge Figgy.
Madge was smiling to herself as she walked along, as though she were very well pleased about something. “Hulloa, Tom Trenoweth!” she cried, pretending to be surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“Well,” said Tom, “that’s more than I can tell you, but I ain’t here for my own pleasure, I can assure you of that, and if you want to know more you can look under the bridge and find out for yourself.”
194“What’s that grunting in there? Surely never your old sow! Well, she can’t have fattened much if she’s got in there! Are you in the mind to part with her now, Tom? What will you let me have her for now?”
“If you’ve got a bit of something to eat in your basket, for pity’s sake let me have it, for I’m famished; and if you can get the old thing out of that there pipe you’re welcome to her for your trouble,” said Tom sullenly, for he felt small at giving in to his enemy after all.
“I’ve got a beautiful new kettle loaf in my basket, Tom; take it and welcome, do.”
Tom seized the loaf and began to eat ravenously. “Thank ’ee,” said he, pretending to smile. “I think I’ve got the best of that bargain, for anyway I’ve got a good loaf, and it’ll take more than you to get out my old pig!”
“Ha, ha!” laughed Madge Figgy, “I’m glad you are pleased, Tom, ha, ha! refused five shillings, and took a twopenny loaf! I’m pleased with my share of the bargain, and I’m glad you are.” Then turning towards the pig she called softly, “Chug! chug! chug! Come on, chug! chug! chug!”
Out walked the old sow at once, and going up to the witch, she trotted away down the road after her as tamely as a dog.